


i made it (through the darkest part of the night)

by green_tea31



Series: Cairo Day 2019 [6]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cairo Day 2019, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 09:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18465937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_tea31/pseuds/green_tea31
Summary: Desi brushes over a surface, leaving an obvious trail in the dust. “We sure Markov is holed up here?” She turns to Mac and raises an eyebrow. “Because it doesn’t look like there was anybody here recently.”Mac has to agree with her and rubs a hand over his face in frustration. Matty had looked apologetic while telling them she was sending them to Cairo but insisted it was important they intercept Markov before he could sell the weapons. So far, however, all Mac and Desi have found is dust in an abandoned warehouse and a possible case of heatstroke judging by Mac’s approaching headache and mild case of vertigo.(Mac and Desi run into trouble while in Cairo but luckily Jack happens to be there as well.)





	i made it (through the darkest part of the night)

**Author's Note:**

> My story for the last Cairo Day prompt "Return to Cairo". This idea was once supposed to be a much longer fic but I have so many entries on my fics to write list by now that I thought I might as well write a shorter version for Cairo Day. There's a scene in here for which I put a warning in the end notes because I don't want to spoil that part. It's nothing bad happening to our guys, just something one of them does which I thought in character for the state of mind they're in at that point. Also, there's whump happening, to Mac in this case. It's not overly graphic, at least I don't think it is but it's there.
> 
> Anyway, I think I'll go on a bit of a writing vacation until after Easter and then I'll work on finishing "my heart lay waiting", don't quote me on that though because I never know when inspiration strikes.
> 
> As always, self-betaed. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Title from "Glorious" by Macklemore featuring Skylar Grey.

“So, you were surrounded and the clock was ticking – what happened next?” Desi asks while Mac is trying to concentrate on working the door open.

He looks up, annoyed, and she does that thing with her eyebrow that nearly all of Mac’s friends have perfected, telling him he’s ridiculous without actually saying so. Of course, he knows she doesn’t really mean it this time, it’s her way of keeping him focused.

Desi isn’t really the talkative type – not like Jack – but she’s figured out that talking often helps _him_ do whatever needs to be done and so she’s taken to ask him questions about past missions when they’re out in the field together and, more often than not, recounting past events helps him focus on current problems.

It’s not perfect, not the seamless almost psychic way of working he and Jack had, but it works for them.

“Why did I tell you about Cairo again?” The lock clicks open and Desi draws her gun, going in first to clear the way.

“Because you were jittery the entire flight and needed to tell _someone_.” They stop in the middle of the room. It’s an abandoned warehouse like so many other warehouses Mac has seen over the years, doubling as base for one terrorist group or another.

Desi brushes over a surface, leaving an obvious trail in the dust. “We sure Markov is holed up here?” She turns to Mac and raises an eyebrow. “Because it doesn’t look like there was _anybody_ here recently.”

Mac has to agree with her and rubs a hand over his face in frustration. Matty had looked apologetic while telling them she was sending them to Cairo but insisted it was important they intercept Markov before he could sell the weapons. So far, however, all Mac and Desi have found is dust in an abandoned warehouse and a possible case of heatstroke judging by Mac’s approaching headache and mild case of vertigo.

“Alright, that’s it,” Desi states suddenly and holsters her gun. “I don’t care how important Matty thinks this is, you look like you’re about to keel over. I’m getting you back to the hotel where you’re going to drink about a gallon of water and then you’re going to sleep this off.” She marches up to him, grabs his arm and drags a bemused but grateful Mac back towards the door.

They step out into the sun and into the path of half a dozen AK 47s.

“Mr MacGyver. It’s been a while.”

Mac looks at Desi who reluctantly raises her hands in the universal gesture of surrender before doing the same and turning back to the men in front of them.

“Farhad.”

…

“Dios mio, if one of them doesn’t lead us to Markov in the near future I will listen to Eddie praise the virtues of Manchester United for an hour without complaining. I am sick of waiting in this heat my friends.” Marco wipes his forehead with the thin linen scarf around his neck that does nothing but make him look like a naïve tourist overdressed for the Cairo heat – which is kind of the point.

Jack chuckles into his comm. “Don’t let him hear you say that, buddy.” Marco has a point, though. They’ve been waiting for Markov to show up for two days now but so far – nothing. He was hesitant to split up the task force but they got the tip about Markov the same time as one of Kovacs’ major lieutenants showed up in South East Asia and so Jack had no other choice than to only take half of his team with him.

It doesn’t help that Jack’s been on edge ever since he set foot in the city again. Being in Cairo without Mac is making him…uneasy in a way he hadn’t expected. He’s glad that the kid is safely away from this disaster – the last thing he wants is Mac _anywhere_ close to this again after the last time but it’s difficult nonetheless.

The last time Mac had to be airlifted out of the city after Farhad had been done with them and Jack would do anything in his power to prevent that from happening again.

“Too late, Marco. I’m already preparing accordingly,” Eddie says from his spot across the street where he’s perched with a rifle. “Look sharp gents, something’s happening.”

“What do you see?” Marco asks and before Eddie can answer Jack spots movement on the street and his heart turns to ice. He swears and scrambles for his phone, the secure one, direct line to Matty.

“No, no, no, no, no, dammit...Eddie, Marco, stay in position.“ He dials the number from memory with a shaky hand.

“Come on, Matty… _please_.”

“Webber.”

“You need to tell Mac and Desi to get out of that warehouse, _now,_ ” Jack nearly shouts through the line without bothering to say hello.

“Jack, what…are you in _Cairo_?” Matty asks incredulously and Jack would laugh at the astonished tone in her voice if this were in any way funny.

“Yes, we’re in Cairo and I just watched Mac and Desi walk into a warehouse of one of Kovacs' major suppliers and you need to tell them to leave, Matty please. I ain’t kidding, the guy is bad news.”

“ _Markov_ works for Kovacs? Alright, Jack….wait a minute, Riley is trying to reach them.”

Of course, that’s the moment someone else joins the mess as several cars pull up in front of the building and if Jack thought having Mac close to Markov was a nightmare this one just about has him running down to the street, carrying Mac out of the goddamn situation with his own bare hands.

“Jack we can’t reach them. Something’s interfering with the signal.”

“Matty…”

“You’re going to have to make contact in person.”

“ _Matilda_ , we just got an even bigger problem,” Jack says and only the knowledge that even with Marco and Eddie as backup he’s not going to be able to take on the goons waiting in the street keeps him rooted in his position as helpless observer, watching as Mac and Desi emerge from the warehouse only to be captured and taken away.

“What is it, Jack?” Matty asks warily.

“How much do you know about the last time Mac and I were in Cairo?”

“Enough, why?”

Jack takes a deep breath and puts himself into the cold, emotionally distant mindset of the operative he once hoped he’d never have to be again.

“Farhad just captured Mac and Desi, Matty. I thought we killed that sonufabitch.” Matty is silent through the phone but he can hear her giving orders in the background as soon as he finishes speaking.

“Jack? Can you follow, find out where Farhad’s taking them? I’ll have people on the ground as soon as possible."

Jack refrains from mentioning the political nightmare likely to follow a direct Phoenix intervention in the country. Relations might be better than they were in the past these days but they’re far from stable enough and Jack hopes that Matty knows what she’s doing.

Not that he cares, though. If it helps getting Mac out safely, Jack will take a political nightmare over his current, very real one any day.

“Guys…I assume you listened in?” Jack asks and receives affirmatives from both his fellow operatives. “I know this isn’t technically in our mission statement, but…”

“Hey, as far as I’m concerned, Kovacs could still be behind this. Markov _does_ own the warehouse,” Marco says and yeah, Jack thought about that as well. Something about this entire situation doesn’t sit right with him but for now he needs to concentrate on finding Mac and Desi.  

“You alright with this, too?” Jack asks Eddie just to be sure, cover all the bases so to speak.

“I’ll follow you boss. Besides, I want to know what the hell is going on here, too.”

Jack smiles, grateful for the team at his back even if it’s not the team he secretly wishes were with him. These guys have kind of grown on him.

“Okay, then. Let’s roll.”   

…

_“Hey, hey. Come on, asshole. You don’t really want the kid. He doesn’t know anything. Didn’t your mama ever tell you ignoring someone trying to speak with you is rude as hell? Yes, I mean you, not ugly over there.” Jack sees the punch coming before ugly goon number one starts drawing his arm back but he’s still unable to prevent them from taking Mac again, watching helplessly as his partner is dragged out of the cell by ugly goon number two and three while four has his gun trained on Jack’s head._

_The cell door falls closed behind them and Jack is left alone with his thoughts and the knowledge that he failed Mac._

_Needless to say, Mac’s bluff with the bomb didn’t work. As soon as the counter ran down and nothing happened, Farhad’s people had been on Mac, the fact that Mac had effectively sabotaged the device to prevent it from being used for its intended purposed didn’t exactly endear them to their captor either and he’s been taking it out on Jack’s partner ever since they were dropped in this cell._

_No matter how many insults Jack throws at them, they inevitably go for Mac every time and Jack has to watch as he’s returned in worse condition in the aftermath but what gets to Jack almost as much as seeing Mac in pain is the not-knowing._

_He could spot the signs of waterboarding the first few days, the beatings were obvious as well but Mac is all but unconscious when they return him this time. The door to the cell swings open and the goons unceremoniously drop him on the ground next to Jack. There isn’t much space on his face left that isn’t black and blue but then Jack’s heart freezes when he sees the additional damage Farhad’s done this time._

_Mac’s hands, his beautiful, graceful fingers…at least three of them are broken on the left hand, he’s half lying on his right one and Jack’s afraid to turn him to aggravate his injuries even further._

_Jack takes the bowl of not-really-clean water and if there’s anything to be grateful for, it’s the fact that they get enough water not to die of thirst, and tries to clean up Mac as best as he can. He doesn’t have any medical supplies but maybe he can at least prevent infection from setting in a little while longer – long enough for Nicky and the DXS to find them because Jack is pretty sure they’re not going to get out of this one on their own this time._

…

Farhad’s men drop Mac and Desi in a cell and leave them to it but Mac knows that doesn’t mean anything.

The last time was prove enough of that.

“So…who is this guy?” Desi asks while inspecting their cell. Mac turns to her and drops down on the narrow cot in the corner. It even has a pillow and blanket which is definitely an upgrade from last time.

“He was the guy behind the bomb we found last time,” Mac says, suddenly feeling the day's events and sun exposure catch up with him in the worst way. He slumps against the wall. “When my bluff didn’t work, Jack and I spent several days as his guests,” he continues and looks at his hands, trying not to think of the painful time he spent getting back full use of his fingers all those years ago. In the right light, he can still make out fine lines from where Farhad had sliced open the skin. Mac starts to feel nauseous.

“I’m guessing Jack annoyed him into taking it out on him?” Desi is suddenly in his field of vision and he looks up at her. She’s holding out a bottle of water to him and shrugs at his questioning glance.

“In the corner, still closed. I know it’s a risk but you already look like death warmed over, so…” Mac takes the bottle and opens it, gratefully chugging down half of the liquid in one go.

“Yeah, Farhad made sure we were hydrated the last time, too. As for your question…Jack tried but…Farhad was angry at me and…let’s just say there’s a reason we normally don’t talk about this.”

Desi sits down next to him and smiles a little hesitantly. “How did you get out of that one, then?”

“Nicky and Thornton found us before…” Mac stops and becomes tense, mind caught in the past as the door to the cell opens but no one enters to drag them out. There’s a hoarse shout and then a body is dropped into the cell, door closing behind the figure.

Mac tries to get up but a warning look from Desi stops him and he hates to admit it but she’s right. The body might be one of Farhad’s goons in disguise and Mac's hardly in the condition to walk around much anyway.

Desi carefully makes her way over to the body and kneels down next to it. She turns it over and stares at what Mac now recognizes as a badly mangled man’s face.

“Mac…,” She says hesitantly, “I need you to come here for a moment and tell me this is who I think it is…but carefully. _Don’t_ fall over.”

Mac gets up, trying to ignore his worsening headache and mild nausea and kneels down next to her. The face of the man on the ground is bloody, almost unrecognizable – he’s even worse off than Mac was all those years ago and Mac can detect the distinct putrid smell of infection which doesn’t help his nausea but…

Underneath all that…

“Shit.” Mac isn’t normally prone to much cursing, leaving that particular trait to Jack and Desi but this time it’s appropriate.

Desi looks at him, eyebrows raised in question. “I’m guessing it’s him?”

Mac swallows heavily and tries not to throw up.

“Yeah, that’s Tiberius Kovacs.”

…

Farhad and his men don’t stop until they reach a well-guarded compound a few miles out of the city. It’s the same kind of hideaway he kept Mac and Jack in the last time and the thought that Mac is facing him again, without Jack there to watch his back, makes him want to shoot someone, preferably Farhad himself.

“I talked to your hacker, she’s incredible by the way, why the hell didn’t you bring her with you on the task force?” Marco asks, coming back into the room. Jack glares at him. He’s well aware that the Phoenix team but especially Mac and Riley have the kind of skill set that would have made a lot of their work easier over the last few years. They have their own ~~hackers~~ _IT specialists, Dalton_ but there’s a reason why the name Artemis is still whispered with revered awe in certain circles and why Jack considers Mac the best goddamn operative he's ever worked with.

But Jack was selfish this time because the thought of Mac and Riley seeing him like this, seeing the monster behind the goofy mask, still gives him nightmares. And besides, he needs them _safe_ , needs them as far away from this as possible.

He doesn’t even think about what it would do to him if Mac turned away in disgust once he got a glimpse of the darkness in Jack’s soul. He’s spent years carefully keeping Mac away from that part of himself and Jack is well-aware of the fact that while Mac may have seen him at his worst, the man he became as Mac’s Overwatch is a far cry from the ruthless killer he was before.

“What did she say?” Jack asks. Marco motions him over to the table they’ve been using to plan a possible assault on the building, blueprints spread out over the surface.

“I hate to say it, but I think we’re going to have to wait for reinforcements before going in. The building is essentially a fortress with a less medieval exterior but still heavily guarded.”

Jack hadn’t really expected anything different but there was a small part of him hoping that Riley would be able to come up with a miraculous way inside that they hadn’t seen yet.

Well, there’s a reason they usually leave the miracles up to Mac. Jack turns back towards the window and fights the sudden urge to throw something against a wall. Mac is on the other side of those walls, enduring God knows what and all Jack can do is helplessly stand on the other side and stare out of a window.

…

After looking at each other for a moment too long, Mac and Desi decide to at least make Kovacs as comfortable as they can. The man might be a cruel and ruthless bastard but neither of them take pleasure in watching other people suffer and it’s clear that Kovacs isn’t going to make it out of this alive.

He might also be an unfortunately prophetic look into their own future if they don’t think of an escape plan sometimes soon. Farhad probably intends this as some kind of psychological torture and with the memories of his last time in Cairo still fresh in his mind, Mac has to admit it’s working.

Desi is searching through Kovacs’ pockets and puts several things down on the ground in front of him. Mac tries focusing on the objects and drinks some more of the water. It doesn’t help his headache at all and he currently feels like there’s an entire construction crew rummaging around his brain.

“Can you do anything with this?” Desi asks him. There are several coins, a packet of gum and an old fashioned dictation device of all things. Mac is about to give up in disgust of his inability to come up with something when he has an idea. He takes the small grey rectangle and pops open the battery compartment and… _bingo_.

Lithium batteries.

“This is probably a long shot but…how confident are you taking on Farhad’s goons if I can generate enough smoke to obscure this entire cell.”

Desi grins at him. “Very.”  

…

The Phoenix team is barely twenty minutes away when all of their plans are derailed by the sound of gunfire coming from the compound. It’s clear something isn’t going Farhad’s way and Jack prays to whatever existing deities willing to listen that this means Mac and Desi have a head start and are in the process of rescuing themselves.

Jack and the guys are still gearing up to lend whatever assistance they can when an explosion takes out a good third of the compound.

“You weren’t kidding when you described the kid’s penchant for explosions,” Eddie says wryly looking at his teammates while Jack finishes putting his gear together.

“You thought I was kidding? This is nothing, let me tell you.” He looks at his team, eager expressions on their faces and smiles thinly. “Alright…let’s go get them.”  

…

The way into the compound is filled with smoke and people running. With their dark TAC gear and beards, Jack and his team blend in with Farhad’s men nicely. Only Marco actually looks vaguely Middle Eastern, if you’re half-blind and think all people south of France look the same anyway, but thankfully it’s dark enough not to matter and Eddie has taken to colouring both his vibrant red hair and his beard to a dull brown since arriving in Cairo.

“Jack, watch out.” Marco shoots the guy creeping up behind them before he can shoot them. The next few minutes are tense, waiting to see if anyone noticed the shot and cares enough to investigate but they’re lucky.

“Agent Dalton, nice of you to join us.” The voice stops them cold as a man who has starred in more of Jack’s nightmares than he likes to admit steps around the next corner.

“Farhad.”

The man smiles at them grimly and holds up his hands. He’s unarmed and clearly at the end of his rope, judging by the sluggishly bleeding gunshot wound in his abdomen. He’s also barely standing upright.

“It seems I am at a disadvantage and your partner and his companion have derailed my plans quite effectively…I surrender.”

Jack is about to lower his gun but hesitates, something holding him back. Mac and Desi are clearly alive and rescuing themselves but all Jack can think about is the way Farhad smiled years ago, the first time he personally came to their cell to drag Mac to one of their “sessions”.

Jack raises his gun and fires a single shot.

Farhad drops to the ground, red between his eyes.

There’s a reason people still only dare to whisper Jack’s name in the dark in certain government circles.

Marco steps up to him and puts a hand on Jack’s shoulder, carefully where Jack can see the movement coming. He squeezes once and Eddie nods at him, falling back into position.

Jack hasn’t told them much but he’s said enough. As far as they’re concerned, this never happened.

…

The smoke generated by the lithium strips dropped in water is exactly the distraction Desi needs to take down the first guard running into the cell even if prying open the casing of the batteries left her hands hurting and slightly bloody. Once she gets her hands on the guard’s gun, taking out the two following him isn’t much of a challenge.

They leave Kovacs behind. Mac checked on him before they started and found him without pulse, eyes staring into nothing.

He follows Desi out of their cell. They make their way through a barely lit corridor before coming upon a room filled with the kind of chemicals that make Mac smile and most people run in the other direction.

The ensuing explosion drops the compound into chaos. A chaos that Mac and Desi use to make their way past the security guards as silently as possible. They’re almost out of the building, turning a corner when they run into…

“Jack?” Mac blinks at Jack and the two guys following him. One grins and the other throws them a jaunty wave. Trust Jack to have people on his task force that react to situations of immediate danger with the same cheerfully destructive energy that he does.

“Mac, thank God.” Jack steps close to him, grabbing Mac by the face and trying to gauge his health. Mac still isn’t sure he’s not hallucinating the entire thing.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, swaying slightly. Jack steadies him with one hand, the other carding through Mac’s hair.

“What’s wrong? You got a concussion?” He looks at Desi. “What happened?”

“Mild case of heatstroke. We need to get out of here and get him to a hospital. Farhad supplied us with water but we had to use up most of it for our escape.” She looks apologetic, as if that was somehow her fault, and Mac would really like to know how he managed to end up with all these overprotective former soldiers who think every little thing that goes wrong concerning him is on them and not on his own, sometimes questionable decisions.

Mac’s aware of the hypocrisy in that thought given that he himself excels at taking on unwarranted guilt - which is why he doesn’t voice it out loud.

They make their way towards the exit where Desi hotwires one of the cars belonging to the compound. There’s a brief moment when both Jack and Desi grab the door handle of the driver’s side at the same time and Mac snickers at them, receiving a glare in return. One of the guys on Jack’s team barely manages to disguise his laugh as a cough and Jack only rolls his eyes, leaving the driving to Desi.

He spends the entire way hovering protectively next to Mac in the backseat instead, occasionally throwing a smug glance at Desi in the front which she responds to with a raised eyebrow in the rearview mirror and Mac has the feeling that he’s just become the prize in some unnamed tug-of-war between the two of them.

Clearly, his life’s about to become even more interesting.   

…

The way home is a lot smoother than Jack expected. They’re found by the reinforcements Matty sent after driving a while and ordered to return to the states after Mac and Desi tell Jack’s superiors about Kovacs.

That one is a surprise.

It puts Jack and his taskforce in a bit of a limbo, Kovacs was technically their main target, so they’re disbanded until further notice. Jack suspects there will soon be another taskforce formed, one with a more analytical background and less emphasis on the hunting part, to figure out who went after Kovacs and succeeded where Jack and his team failed all those years ago.

For now, Jack is going home with Mac and Desi even though he’s strangely hesitant to do so. There’s a reason he distanced himself since leaving, him killing Farhad in cold blood was just a symptom of a greater problem after all.

The man returning to LA is not the man who left almost two years ago and Jack doesn’t know how to relearn being the Jack Dalton these people know and love, doesn’t know if he _can_ become that man again, no matter how much he might want to.

Which is no excuse for why he’s packing a bag, bound for Texas, two days after his return but it might serve as an explanation.

Not that Mac cares apparently because Jack is almost done when a voice stops him, when _Mac’s_ voice stops him.

“Where are you going?”

Jack turns around, his partner is standing in front of him, arms crossed and glaring, long since recovered from their second Cairo adventure.

“And were you going to tell anyone?” Mac adds before dropping his arms and stepping closer.

“Mac…I can’t be here right now…I,” Jack struggles to explain, trying to decipher the frown on Mac’s face.

“That’s stupid,” Mac states. “If there’s any place you should be it’s here, in LA with your family, with…” _Me,_ he doesn’t say but they both hear it anyway and Jack can’t do this because this is getting too close to things they don’t talk about, things Jack doesn’t admit out loud, _ever_.  

“Dammit, Mac. You don’t know the kind of man I am, the things I’ve done…,” He blurts out, taking a step back because the kid is getting way too close and if he doesn’t, he’s going to push Mac against the wall behind him and kiss him like he’s been dreaming about since forever.

“And what kind of man is that? The kind that’s so determined to protect me from himself, he doesn’t see that that’s never been necessary, the stubborn, pig-headed kind of bastard who thinks it’s selfish that he needed me to stay away, who doesn’t realize that I knew all along? You think I don’t know you could have gotten me on that task force if you wanted?”

Shit. “Mac, I…”

“Where you even going to come back after finding Kovacs?” Mac asks pleadingly and of all the things, Jack hadn’t expected that he’d figure that out, figure out what Jack himself only contemplated in his deepest, darkest hours.

Mac takes another step closer until he’s almost nose to nose with Jack.

“Would I have had to hunt you down to some Mexican bar with cheap tequila just to drag your ass back to LA?” Jack swallows heavily.

“I would have been the expensive tequila, Mac. Always go for the expensive stuff, thought I’d taught you that…”

Mac closes his eyes and attempts to turn around but it’s the moment before he does that breaks Jack, the anguish in his eyes at the thought that Jack wouldn’t have come back to him.

Jack grabs Mac like he’s on a mission and walks him backwards to the wall. He’s ninety percent sure that what he’s about to do won’t earn him a black eye and the rest doesn’t matter much anymore in the face of what he now realizes he’s almost lost.

He kisses Mac.

Mac kisses him back.

It’s glorious, everything Jack has ever dreamed of and so much more and it’s clear that Mac is as invested in this as Jack judging by his enthusiastic response.  

Jack noses at Mac’s throat, enjoying the way Mac’s breath hitches in response.

Still…there’s a reason Jack was going to run.

“I can’t ask you to fix me, Mac. That’s not fair to you,” Jack mumbles into Mac’s skin before drawing back to look into those beautiful blue eyes.

“You don’t have to ask, Jack…also there’s nothing to fix, there wasn’t the last time either,” Mac says, smiling sadly.

Jack presses his forehead against Mac’s. “I’m pretty sure this hunt’s broken me beyond repair this time, darlin’.” But Mac shakes his head.

“No…not broken…maybe a little dented but not broken, Jack.” He tightens his arms around Jack. “Let me _prove_ it to you, please.”

Jack doesn’t know if it’s Mac’s steadfast belief that Jack is still Jack, still the man he loves apparently but it doesn’t matter because Mac has enough faith for both of them. He buries his head in Mac’s shoulder and weeps.

…

Jack stays.

It’s not easy but he didn’t expect it to be. Jack tells Mac about his field execution of Farhad in one of his worse nights, when nightmares leave him shaken and wide-awake and clinging to Mac is the only respite he can find. He doesn’t look at Mac, afraid what he’ll see in his eyes but Mac doesn’t turn away and only holds him closer in response.

Mac and Matty organize him a halfway decent therapist instead. Angela Grady is a combat vet and mother of three with a heart of gold and a will made out of steel. Jack likes her immediately.

He begins to believe in his own worth again, starts believing that he can be the man Mac sees in him, that he’s not as hopeless a cause as he thought. It’s a freeing feeling and Jack promises himself that this was the last time, he won’t let anyone take him away from Mac and LA ever again. They’re a team, partners, lovers, best friends, closer than Jack has ever been with another human being. It’s a good feeling.

He and Desi…work out a shared custody agreement regarding watching Mac’s back in the field involving a lot of vodka and two hours in the gym which they have sworn on pain of revealing the favour Desi owed Jack to never tell Mac about.

(The story behind that favour is a lot less dramatic and a lot more embarrassing than is good for their reputations as reliable badasses and Mac _cannot_ find out about it – Mac already knows… _Hello, I’m Riley Davis. Have you met me?_ ).

When Jack sent her in to replace him, he hadn’t expected that she would get this attached even though he probably should have. Mac tends to have that effect on people.

Time passes and Jack finds himself…happy. They’re at Mac’s…no Mac and Jack’s now and he’s still getting used to that. The fire is burning, Desi laughs at something Bozer said while Riley and Matty quietly talk in the background and Jack catches Mac’s eyes over the flames. He wriggles his eyebrows; Mac blushes.

Jack smiles. Yeah, he’s happy.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> At one point in the story Jack flat out kills a man who already gave himself up and who tortured Mac in the past. Jack himself doesn't exactly regret it afterwards but doesn't believe himself worthy of Mac because he thinks hunting Kovacs turned him back into the cold and emotionless soldier he was before meeting his partner. How much of that is true is left open to the reader's - and Mac's interpretation.
> 
> Don't try the battery thing at home folks. It works but this fic ignores a lot of the precautions that should be taken while doing it. Also, there's likely no way Mac and Desi would have been able to pry open the batteries without at least a pair of pliers. I did this once with my Dad (who is an engineer) after watching a video on youtube and let me tell you these things are tough as hell.


End file.
